I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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