I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
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Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
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People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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