If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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