dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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