She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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