And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
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