I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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