I met the friendliest cop last night
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
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Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
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She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
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