I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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