You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize