I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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