had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
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I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
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My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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