I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
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