im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
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Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
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When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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