Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
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You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
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You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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