fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize