Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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