why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
dude i'm inner monologue high
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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