i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize