Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
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The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
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Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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