I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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