So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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