that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
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My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
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Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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