i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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