Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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