Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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