Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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