Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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