Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
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If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
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so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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