I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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