god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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