Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I smell stomach acid.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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