If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
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I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
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I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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