he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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