Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
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Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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