Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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