I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
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I intend to get homeless drunk
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
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I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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