Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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