She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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