on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
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I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
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The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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