Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
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I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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