Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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