I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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