I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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