I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a search helicopter?!
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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