There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
All the doctor said was why
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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