Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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