Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
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I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
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So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize