He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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