omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
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I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
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I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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