I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize