well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
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Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
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I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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