Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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